Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Control Conspiracies

"This was it ..? " He said to himself as He watched her car disappear in the bend of street .."its over ...there is no two way about it . She must be on her cell phone by now . Chatting to one of her innumerable friends like him . solving all their problems like she often did for him . "She is good at it ..she can do it effortlessly . She must be a very genuine person at heart ..may be thats the reason she is always so happy and ...." . He couldn't think beyond the word happy .. Because He knew where it will lead .  He knew that She was Not Happy and  He also knew there was hardly anything he can do about it . She won't let him ...There was a strange existential anxiety about her being..... an unrest . He wanted to help her but , " I want it for my happiness more than hers. though I will never admit it".  
He often doubted . He was not it doubt today . He wanted to get her out of it .. He wanted her to find her rightful place , her share of Effortless smile . After All He was her Friend and She was his best friend. That was least he can do and that was most he can expect from their relationship . But He also knew She won't Let anyone make her happy outside of her wish . They all made her unhappy in their own way , Most of them without realizing .

He walked toward the lobby of his apartment his heart heavy and steps slow . " Is desire to have power to make anyone happy is just another manifestation of our fundamental desire to control? if so, is it violation of  other person's freedom ? can essence of action changes if they are backed by good intentions ? can end justify the means " These were the questions haunting him for a long time ,In fact every time  He thought of her  ." Everyone wants to be Happy . Right ? That's What we all want at the end of the day ?? " He blurted out in Empty Elevator .. there was no one to answer He Smiled at his own stupidity as elevator reached fourth floor. He was serious again by the time he entered his condo . He switched on the lights . powered on his Laptop ,open the window and Lit a cigarette.

"This is going to be a long Night....." He whispered as he blew the rings of smoke . " Lets get some work done ..To Focus or to distract ". He said and smiled at the irony .He looked for the folder "office work "in list . He spotted it , but right above it was a folder named "Light & Sound" . He looked at that for a while , Smiled and busted his cigarette." Looks like This is going to be longer than i expected " He said ...and started working on an unfinished  story . He hasn't touched that  for a last three years ....

§ ------ACT 2------§

Miles away ...She switched on the cell Phone as the car entered the villa .

"Why your cell was not reachable ?" Her father asked .
"Might be Network Issue " came a quick reply form Daddy's chirpy girl
He smiled .. "What the deal with your eyes ? why they looks so tired ?? "
" I was awake late last night and was out whole day today , That explain I guess " 
they both knew she was lying but they both also understood the secret lingo they developed over the year to sense when enquirers were not welcomed .
" Ok Go take some rest " He said
" Good Night Dad " She said and kissed her father ." Look Pa ' I don't have to stand on my Toes to kiss you anymore. I am a BIG Girl now and  you can stop worrying about me " she said as she disappeared in her room before her father noticed that she was wearing high heels .

" Twenty  Five Years and I don't know how to comfort her enough to make her loosen up. and i am her father.  i just hope the guy she is with to would succeed where i failed.  where all of us failed."  He thought as he walked his way to bed.  she will be fine,  he knew that much , 
" Thank God the guy care for her as much as we do . Old man like me can console himself in this . She is in Good hands " But that was lame He knew , He knew from experience of 20 years , since the time she was five and started talking back to him, that her being in Any hand Good or Bad was part of the problem . He remembered a conversation he had with her when she was teenager 
 "Care ? Care Pa?? ,  I think if you care for me you should first Trust  me. you should trust  that I can make decision for myself ,and give the freedom to make my mistake" . She had said to him . " ...and give me enough confidence that i can always comeback to you if i actually commit a mistake " She had thought but never said ..That would have too much to ask . 

"How time flies  he thought. She is a big girl now ... she was always grown up for her age ..I kinda didn't get that... i used to get worked up on her actions ..How i miss it when she is gone away and act like a good girl "  He sighed .

" Does this guy get that ??"  He wondered " I am sure they must be fighting on such things ... I am sure my little princess  must be giving him a hard time .. Poor soul  I am sure He must be pulling his hairs at times"  He thought as he turned off the light .  A Big amused smiled danced on his face as he pictured them fighting .

§ ------ACT 3-----§

She hasn't finished her glass of milk yet  as her father had asked her to.. She hadn't taken her tablet  yet  As Her mother had asked her to.. She hadn't stopped think needlessly As Her  Boyfriend had asked  Requested her to . She knew she should be doing all of it . It was well past midnight and she was still awake . She couldn't sleep . She was anxious . it was her room ...that very room where she grew up .This was the only place where she was able to do what the world thought to be impossible to her : To Be Afraid , To Be Vulnerable , To have Guilt and regret , To know how it feels  Not to know . She open the closet and pulled out her old pillow with mickey mouse cover . She used to slobber around with it as a young girl . for some reason Today as a grown up girl she need it more than ever . She clutched it and threw herself on bed . for no obvious reason her thoughts drifted to her birthday party long time back ". 

She was in her fave new yellow  frock which her father had bought her for her birthday. Her friends were circling around her as she played violin for a game of Chair Race . She blew off the candles and cut the cake. Later in the evening she sung her fave song  and  everyone applauded her for her talent . Her parents were proud of her . It was a good day ... But only thing was that she wasn't able to enjoy eating as much of cake as she wanted to . That was the ONLY thing she wanted to do . 

Phone rang ..bringing her back to the real world . It was her boyfriend calling her . She looked at the greenish glow of phone screen and His name flashing on it . With every pulse of screen's back light she thought of the conversation  that would follow if she choose to answer the phone now . She choose not to . She lowered the volume ,put it on the charging, Turned off the light and tried too fall asleep . She knew she couldn't sleep . She knew exactly what she need to do fall asleep . she got up , turned on the lights , Had her tablets , Drink the Glass of Milk her father has left for her , Put the pillow back at its old  place . She was back in her bed . Her Eyes heavy ....She tried to think about her birthday party . 

" Doing All this was so effort less back then . I don't know what happened in years that followed . I was a good girl . Or SO they used to say "  She murmured to her self as she drifted to sleep .

There was a faint flickering of green light on her phone . It read" 1 Unread Text Message "